I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
