dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
