I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
