Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
