I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize