He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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