Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Boobs are out for the taking
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
