New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
