I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
