Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
