My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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