My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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