He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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