So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
