I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
