Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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