Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
