The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We are two peas in an std pod
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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