Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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