Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
