Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
