you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
