When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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