Its about making memories worth repressing
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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