She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
