we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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