That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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