blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
