Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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