Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
