No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
