sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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