She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
