i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
