You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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