only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
