Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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