this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
