I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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