So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
