Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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