...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he quoted the bible to break up with me
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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