So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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