Is it normal to miss your booty call?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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