Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
