is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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