4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Randomize
