My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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