I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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