FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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