Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
