Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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