Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
