soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
