Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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