Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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