After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
