I wish I could teleport
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
