Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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