Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
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Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
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Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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