We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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