Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
